A Perceived Reality

This blog was created as an outlet for me to write and/or complain about my life thoughts, encounters and experiences.  It is here as an open journal.  A platform for me to share my perceptions.  My perceptions are mine and not for anyone to judge, give negative opinions or be mean to me or anyone who comments here.  If, and ONLY IF, you have something positive to contribute, by all means.  Disclaimer: My posts can and will contain foul language.  If you are offended by anything I write, sorry not sorry.  I hope you find comic relief from my posts and may be even inspired from time to time. 

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New Era: Age of Entitlement

And selfishness/self-serving/world needs to revolve around me…they are all synonymous with each other really.  Technology has had a lot to do with this instant gratification idea of needing everything right this moment.  And I think, by proxy, this idea has stolen away patience and acceptance for things that just aren’t so and has created a selfish society.

This past week was the 4th of July.  A time for celebration…drinking, eating and fireworks.  A time to reflect on our Independence as a nation and our freedom to drink, eat and watch those fireworks.  For the last few years our city has had some bad luck with weather and has had to cancel many events, including the fireworks.  This year was no different.  As our annual 4th of July parade was lining up, the skies opened up and dumped BUCKETS so naturally, the VOLUNTEER group cancelled it.  And then the cancellation was announced on Facebook.  Holy shit, you might have thought lives were ruined by this cancellation (rant will come shortly).  More rain was in the forecast and it was very iffy if the fireworks were going to go off.  The city and the volunteer group decided to shoot the fireworks off about 20 minutes early to beat the next storm cell coming through…and again, announced this on Facebook.  The comments that came along with this time change were absolutely infuriating.  I chose to not blast these self-serving buffoons this year like I did last year.  What would be the point, you know?  So I will do it here…because it’s five days later and my ass is still chapped over it.

A large portion of the comments were people who were PISSED off that they were driving in from distances (like 15-20 miles away) and they would miss them.  Some were PISSED that they were only given 15 minutes notice.  Some were pissed that they actually shot the damn things off and should have waited for the rain date.  A few comments from people who planned their whole day around the fireworks and now it was ruined.  Some parents who were upset because their kids were upset they missed them.  And one lady actually requested they wait a few minutes to shoot the fireworks off because she was on her way.  <insert face palm emoji here>.

I will now address these comments one by one.  First of all, get a flippin life if you are PISSED that you missed one measly fireworks show (our shows suck).  Second, who the fuck told you to wait til the very last-minute to drive 15-20 miles to see 10 minutes worth of fireworks?!  And wait, let’s address the fact that BEFORE social media, what the hell would you have done?  You would have done the same idiotic move by coming at the last minute and missed the show but now you have Facebook to gripe on.

To those assholes who planned their whole day around the fireworks.  Did you though?  Did you really plan an entire day around a 9:30pm fireworks show?  Get the fuck outta here with that, ya clowns.  No you didn’t.  You just want to point fingers and place blame on the city and volunteers and how they personally assaulted you and your so-called plans.

Next, the upset children.  Oh no, not the children!  Instead of blaming the city and volunteers for ruining your children’s lives, maybe take this as an opportunity to teach your children that sometimes shit happens and things don’t always go as planned.  But no, we are going to continue to breed self-serving, selfish individuals who can’t accept no for an answer.  And I am sure by morning, those overly tired children (because most of those kids were up past their bedtime anyway) had forgotten about it.  People who use their kids as an excuse to complain or bitch because THEY felt put out cause me indigestion.

And lastly, the lady who requested that an entire city’s fireworks show wait because she was on her way….I just can’t.  I wanna live in her world.  Perhaps it was a joke, but should have never been suggested on a public government page because she looked ridiculous (and by the comments on her post, I am not the only one who thought this).  The fact that she even thought that makes her look ridiculous.  I really don’t need to say much more about this…you get it.

Moral: Think before you speak people.  Rationalize your thoughts before you react to a situation that’s less than ideal.  Take a step back and accept things aren’t perfect and that the lack of seeing one fireworks show isn’t going to kill you, make you lose your job, friends or family and you will be no worse for wear the next day.  There are bigger fish to fry in your life than a missed fireworks show and if there aren’t big fish…find a different pond to fish.

 

Karma exists.

I am a hard worker.  I volunteered at 13, was employed at 14 and have worked ever since.  I have generally had at least 2 jobs and sometimes took at college course in addition to that while raising my kid.  I’m not looking for a pat on the back – I am just trying to paint the picture of my work ethic and dedication to being a productive member of society.

I graduated college in 2011 with a bachelors in natural resources.  I was working full time somewhat in my field before I had graduated and thought that I was doing myself a favor by getting the experience lined up for the ideal job at the end.  Boy was I sadly mistaken.  I was passed over for several jobs even though I qualified and in one instance wasn’t chosen because I lacked experience in a particular area that wasn’t even a job requirement!  I worked for this agency for 14 years – it wasn’t like I just came in from off the streets.  I had put the work in.  I had put the time in.  And for the one job that I lacked non-required experience…it wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t friends with the hiring manager on Facebook who told me in a message that he would love to have me work for him.  And since the day he told me why I didn’t get the job, not one word has been spoken between us.  Because he knew it was BULLSHIT!  I no longer work for that agency anyway so no love lost there.

Which leads me into my subject….karma.  In March 2013, I was let go from the job I was speaking about above.  It was 100% my fault – I did something I shouldn’t have and ultimately turned myself in before I got “caught”.  While this was admirable in itself, the act was embarrassing and I have yet to forgive myself.  I betrayed the people who trusted me and put faith in me.  It was like I screwed family members over and am still trying to process why I did it.  I will not disclose the offense – I plan to just keep this part of my post cryptic.  But since this little mishap (that everyone else has forgotten or forgave but me) I have had the shittiest, constant stream of karma possible.  I could not find a job so I took what I could including unemployment.  I lost my house.  My car was repossessed and my family had to bail me out so I could get it back.  Only to then have it totaled a year and a half later by my kid.  I won’t mention that I was $5000 away from paying it off.  Depleted my 401K because I had to.  One of the jobs I found was a substitute teacher.  This was OK pay but I didn’t have work for the summers.  One summer, two years ago (Memorial Day weekend), I fell and broke my kneecap.  So there went any chance of work and was solely on unemployment. Boo-hoo, right?  Get ready for the pity party!

I just so happened to run into an acquaintance at a survey group I volunteer for in 2015, the same summer I broke myself, and explained my woes.  She works in the environmental consulting field and told me to come work for her.  HALLELUJAH, a job in my field FINALLY after 2.5 years of looking for ANY job!  So I got the job.  And I work for her, who is one of the worst managers I have ever encountered and the pay is inhumane.  But it definitely has its perks and I do not hate it.  I am getting experience and it’s giving me nice fluff for my resume.   However, I want out.  Badly.

Even before getting canned, I wasn’t getting job offers.  For the last six years that I have applied for jobs, I have not received one job offer.  Not one.  IF I even get an interview, I am so jaded that I have no hope anymore of getting anything but a thanks, but no thanks.  This has obviously manifested itself into habits of negative self-talk, no self-worth and overall thinking I am not good enough.  I know I am a damn fine employee that would bring a ton to the table.  I just don’t get why no one can see that.  What I am doing wrong to not sell myself enough to make people hire me and see my worth?  I can’t help but feel that karma isn’t done yet.

I had an interview last week for a really good job….I will post when the “no thanks” e-mail comes in.  Cheers to all of the martyring!

Happy 4th of July!  Be safe.

To be or not to be single…

…that is the question.  I have been single since January 24, 2011.  You know how I know this very specific date?  Because the d-bag I was dating broke up with me over a friggin text message 3 days before my birthday.  He, at the time, was 38.  I bring up his age because that is what 15 year old’s do.  But had I not known him and been friends with him for 5 years prior to that (he’s one of my best friends husbands best friend/business partner), the text message wouldn’t have been perceived as royally eff’d up.

We played the googly-eye game that entire time until we both were in a place to want to give the dating thing a try and it was a HUGE flop.  Our relationship consisted of 9 months of routine Friday night sex and playing Rummy 500 at his house.  The occasional eating out, but he was cheap and felt it was wasting money when we could just cook at home (fast forward 5 years and he’s posting or being tagged on FB out and about almost daily with his new boo).  I’m not here to shit on the guy – we agreed that if it didn’t work out then we would remain friends.  We did just that.  I’m glad he’s happy and in a better place.

This relationship though was the second forced relationship I had been in consecutively.  I say forced in that I kept going after both guys despite my gut feelings, despite everyone’s warnings, despite the idea of ‘if it’s meant to be it will be’, I still forced the idea of a relationship on those two and it backfired.  Since then I have just kept to friends with benefits and it’s worked for me…I guess.

Back to the topic…to be single or not to be.  I struggle with this.  I struggle because out of my friends, including some co-workers, I am the ONLY single person in the bunch.  I repeat THE ONLY SINGLE ONE!  Everyone else at the very least has a boyfriend but most are married.  This arrangement puts me in a perpetual state of being the third (fifth, seventh) wheel.  But this lengthy time period of being single has jaded my perception of whether or not being with someone on a romantic level is worth it.  Most of the time being the third wheel isn’t bad.  Sometimes it has its advantages.  Then again, sometimes, it gets incredibly lonely.  At my ripe old age of 38, where does one go to meet people?  Bars aren’t an option.  I don’t drink much.  I’ve tried the online thing, but feel that is just forcing the issue (read last paragraph about this) and there aren’t any single guy friend options or friends of friends, etc.  I’d be rich if I had a dollar for every time I heard “you don’t put yourself out there”.  When I ask “where’s out there?”, I get no response.

I watch relationships from afar and get no closer to figuring out if being with someone is what I want or need.  Or taking the energy to find “out there” to put myself in it.  In the meantime, what I do need to figure out are ways to enjoy my own self and my own company without the accompaniment of another person.  I dwell too much on the negative and really need to learn to focus on the positive.